Our past, as we know it and feel it, is made up of memories that are heavily influenced by emotions which means we are molded by how things made us feel and not necessarily how things were. The intangible reality isn’t real; it is merely a perception that is shrouded with feelings. My idea of how something or someone is is often very different from how something or someone actually is. Forming an opinion off of my thoughts, without investigation, can allow me to possibly keep something or someone out of my life that I might really need because of lack of effort, or it can allow me to let something or someone into my life that I don’t need at all but think that I do.
Your problems are as big as your thoughts and your world can be as small as your mind. If something is big in your mind, no matter how small it may be in reality, then it is big in your life. If the search for food and clean water is your unfortunate reality then of course you are going to have it much worse than I do, but whatever my situation is it will have parts that seem terrible to me when in comparison to others, it is not so bad at all. I have lived in what was pretty much a homeless shelter and at the time it seemed like my life was pretty bad, but in reality, my problems were very minuscule in comparison to someone who had no food at all or a roof over their head.
When I see someone that has a physical or mental handicap it makes me feel like shit. I don’t feel sorry for them or pity them because I know that they don’t need or want that. It just makes me look at my life from the proper perspective. I was born with so many more advantages than many others simply because I was born healthy with everything intact. There are so many people who weren’t that lucky and would kill to have the things I immediately started with. I don’t feel guilt or shame for being born healthy, but I do feel guilt and shame that I spent so much of my life trying to destroy myself because I was unhappy and in comparison to so many others, I had no fucking right to bitch and complain at all.
People always declare that actions speak louder than words when it is relevant to their feelings and aimed at someone else’s words and a perceived lack of action. When the shoe is on the other foot and action is required from them it seems to be a different story. Then their reasons should be heard and understanding is expected. We are all guilty of that, but to what degree? Is the degree even important? If I admit that I am wrong in a situation, but feel that another in the same situation is more wrong than me, then I am not really taking responsibility for anything at all. That is a way for me to feel justified with myself because I was a big enough person to accept some of the blame, but by divvying up the blame I am ultimately trying to avoid taking any responsibility because my perception is that my wrong doings were in response to your actions and my perspective is that I am right, with very minor shades of guilt. Judgments are easily formed and understanding can be foregone when something doesn’t directly affect us or isn’t necessarily relevant to our lives.
